“Why am I still single? What’s wrong with me?” “Lord, where is my Boaz?” “I feel like I’m ready for commitment now, why hasn’t God sent me anyone yet??” “Uh, God, did you forget about me?” These thoughts are known to ruminate inside a single woman’s head as she sits alone at lunch watching happy, blushing couples pass her by.
She wonders, “Well until God sends me my man, can I still pursue joy during my singleness instead of waiting to be happy in a relationship?”
Yes she can!
But first……I say this so many times to myself and in general: today’s world teaches us that being married is the key to a “happy life.” It’s almost as though we are pressured into marriage or even a relationship in order for our lives to be this complete portrait of stability and happiness. Getting married is almost like the cherry on top (of the wedding cake, perhaps?).
Our society tends to promote marriage and relationships while putting singleness in a negative light. We see David’s Bridal ads gushing about “the happiest time of a woman’s life” when she’s getting married. In romance movies and books, the protagonist is a single woman in search for love perhaps because she fears being alone forever. Fairy tales subconsciously teach little girls that the only way to live happily ever after is to find her prince charming and marry him. So many songs sing about how great love (and sex) is, making us singles believe that we’re missing out on all the “good stuff.” More and more on social media, we see Facebook friends popping up with their new, sparkly engagement ring photos with the caption, “HE PROPOSED!!!” And also, there’s that on-and-on teasing request from your friends and family and also that “momma pressure”: “So when you gonna get a man, baby?? You’re how old now? Your clock is ticking!”
I hope you get my point, lovely one. But know that we are not to live up to this world’s standards, but those of God’s. It is by His will we are to live by. By walking in His will and direction, God will give us joy no matter what–whether He plans for us to be married or single. We can find joy in God! I’ll tell you how later on in this article 🙂
Realize why you want a marriage or a relationship? Is it to follow societal or cultural norms? To find happiness? Do you fear being alone later on in life? Do you need someone to validate you and make you feel beautiful and wanted? Are you trying to keep up with your friends or those fancy Instagramers who just seem to be finding love one-by-one? Do you fear judgement from others who might “single shame” you (or make you feel bad or unworthy just because you’re single)? Try asking yourself these questions. Whatever our intentions or fears are regarding the whole singleness and marriage thing, we must become knowledgeable about them in order to confront them and start living a single life that glorifies God. We need to learn how to serve God from our hearts and minds and not only with our actions. We can learn this especially by embracing our singleness.
Looking at marriage or a relationship as a key for happiness is sin. Because by doing this, we are looking to the world for happiness instead of depending solely on God for true joy.
James 1:5 says, “If a man lacks wisdom, let him ask God who will give it freely to all who ask.” We don’t always know what God wants for our lives. Rather, He will show us along the way if we ask Him to; we must keep our eyes on Him. Although marriage is a norm in our society, it is not God’s plan for every woman to get married. God has given us all a unique plan for our lives and only He may know how well married life or single life can fit with that unique plan. In other words, marriage or relationships can either push us closer to our purpose or distract us from that purpose. We may have a partner who will either support our dreams or hinder us, keeping us weighed down in one place. (If God knows we need a ‘purpose partner,’ He will bless us with one.) The same thing goes with singleness where one may feel like she has no one to distract her from her goals. All she has is God to keep her going.
Whatever our needs are, God will supply them if we truly surrender and keep Him #1 in our lives. We must stop thinking about ourselves all the time and learn to really serve God with our lives.
So lovelies, what if it is God’s will for you to be single?
This makes me think of 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul, who was also single and never married, claims that singleness is, in fact, a gift.
1 Corinthians 7:7-9 “But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.
Verses 32-35 pretty much back up my claim of how relationships can be a distraction versus how singleness is a time to fully serve God:
“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.“
Marriage has its cons as well. Yes, it’s a gorgeous thing but it can be distracting if not done the right way in God’s eyes. God has to join the couple together.
Our singleness may be one of the most important seasons God takes us through. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there is a time and season for everything. There’s a reason you are single; God has not forgotten about you! Perhaps God is using your singleness as a time to bless you richly and reveal Himself to you more. Here’s what the ‘season of singleness’ can do for you:
- It helps you to grow in God. Talk to God like crazy during this season. Ask Him what He wants from you during this hard time of waiting. After all, you, lovely one, are in a relationship with Jesus. You are His priceless bride! He loves you so much more than a husband or a lover ever would. We should treat our relationship with God as a marriage. We must communicate with God and spend time with Him daily as we would in a regular marriage (only this marriage is divine!). Staying connected with God during this single season will make room for God to reveal Himself to us and to tell us His secrets. Keep that spiritual connection! You are loved! You are wanted! You belong to God! You are His forever!
- Find fullness in God before a man comes along. Please, there are so many women who say they want a man to make them “whole” or “complete.” The truth is if you depend on man to make you feel complete, you will likely feel empty, hurt, and alone all over again because man is not God and man will fail you. That’s why you need to find security, love, and place your value in God instead. Only God can give you the love that you truly need. Sure, God may reveal His love through a husband, but don’t idolize earthly love. Look for that eternal love that will never leave you in want (Ephesians 3:19). God’s love aint going nowhere!
- Learn to be secure in your singleness. I hope you can learn from me. I’ve been single for some years. I’m still (happily) single today. But while I morphed from that lonely, feeling-unwanted-and-unattractive single who wept every Valentine’s Day to a strong, confident single woman, I’ve really learned some things about myself and what I wanted out of this life. I learned that I could be emotionally independent and conquer my overwhelming feelings of loneliness by finding solace in God alone. I deepened my relationship with Him. During this time, God revealed my calling to me. I also found that I had no relationship fillers to derail me from my purpose or my path (I’m the type of person who is easily distracted with lots of people around). God also revealed to me that He is saving me from relationship troubles at such a young age. And, ultimately, I gradually learned to embrace my singleness by looking at these positives and having more time to devote myself to Christ (my Love). Ask God to help you find strength and security during this season.
- Establish yourself. Who are you? What is God leading you to do in your life? What is your calling? What do you look for in a marriage/relationship? These are questions you can ask yourself while going though your season.
Please understand that I’m not taking anything away from marriage. This article is expressing how women can be happily single just as one can be happily married. I want you, lovely one, to know that, during your season of singleness, God is preparing you for your future husband–if it’s His will for you–just as He is preparing that future hubby for you. Because that fine Godly man has to be ready to take care of someone so precious as you! So don’t get too caught up in searching for him because the man must find the woman (Proverbs 18:22). Know that being single does not make you undesirable or unwanted. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Singe women know their worth and they are willing to wait on the right one instead of just settling with any randoms. I pray in Jesus name that during this season, though it may be difficult, you realize that you are valuable, rare, and precious in God’s eyes. You are not of this world and someone has to be pretty special to share in that uniqueness.